Liberals Support a Flag Desecration Amendment!

An unnamed speaker at a recent liberal conference made the following speech:

There is an opening for liberal political gains with the hyper-patriotic push for a flag desecration amendment. We can boost liberal electoral power by putting forward an amendment on flag desecration. In the meantime, while the amendment makes its way through the state houses, we must push through a federal law defining violations of the Flag Code as felonies, as flag desecration. Republicans will be enthusiastic for this as well. This along with a Flag Desecration and we will have set a trap to limit opposition to the liberal agenda.

Stars-and-Stripes swag is de rigueur for today's right-wing conservative. On everything from ties, hats, and even bug deflectors, right-wingers feel naked unless they can wrap themselves in the flag. Conservatives will not see the potential for problems, when liberals begin prosecuting flag desecration, conservatives will enthusiastically join in. Few conservatives will remember persecuting hippies for displaying the flag everywhere during the sixties. An American flag patch on the bottom of one's ratty jeans or a stylized flag on one's motorcycle helmet or other such protest displays could get one beat up, back in the day anyway.

Nowadays, it is the conservatives displaying the flag in all these forms, not the pinko longhairs. The term "desecration" does have some ambiguity to it and this can be used to liberal advantage. In an effort to narrowly define desecration, we must inject specifics of the Flag Code into the law to remove ambiguity. Failure to adhere to the Flag Code will be, by definition, desecration. To remove ambiguity, liberals should force in language more exactly defining the current flag code as well. We must get clarifications inserted in the flag code to leverage the amendment for its maximum political impact.

Liberals will define exactly the criteria for making a flag unserviceable and, therefore making continued use, 'desecration'. In this digital imaging age, it will be quite easy to distribute small cards with the approved shades of red, white, and blue. That way, it will be obvious to see when a flag needs to be retired by simply comparing the colors on a faded flag to the government approved 'These Colors Don't Run' flag desecration color match card. The flag code could also be enhanced to state exactly how many foot-candles of light must be falling on an American flag that is displayed at night. In addition, the definition of rain should include exactly how many drops per square inch defines as rain along with similar benchmarks for other types of precipitation. All-weather flags will be specifically defined to narrow the ability of displayers to claim their flag is all weather. Any weather that could potentially damage the flag will be enumerated, but the verbiage from the flag code is still vague and THAT allows for flexible enforcement.

A flag desecration amendment presents a tremendous opportunity to remove the pseudo-patriots who will stand in the way of a liberal movement. The pseudo-patriots who fly the American flag 24/7 in front of their houses and on their automobiles will be incarcerated. The aforementioned verbiage clarifications will set the trap. These hyper-nationalist persons are almost exclusively of the political stripe that will oppose a liberal agenda vehemently. This legislative action will help reduce their numbers. Liberals know that the hyper-nationalists regularly violate the flag code, based upon the fact that their hyper-nationalism compels them to fly the flag non-stop.

There is one more layer to set the trap for the enemies of liberalism.

Read about the trap!